"i've always thought about this for so many times. why i don't seem to find any joy in any of this. then i thought of you and remembered how happy i was when we were together. i still love you. do you know that?" it came out of him with out even taking another breath. it seems like i was dreaming when i heard the word i haven't heard from him for a very long time. i looked at the glasses of vodka he has been drinking. i counted five. then i counted my beers. it was too many for me to add up. then i realized that it was really just a dream.

i dreamnt of hearing those words from him. i lived the past two years dreaming about the same thing. it was stupid but that was all i could do to fill the void that occupied my heart.

i looked at his eyes. they were droopy. they were tipsy. he was drunk but i know he was telling me the truth. he took those words from the bottom of his heart and my heart felt it. it hurt.

i dont want to get hurt anymore. not by him. not by anybody.

six months ago i made the best decision of my life. i protected myself. i allowed my self to heal and never get hurt again.

now he's doing it all again. he tried pushing me. he wanted me to fall. but i held on. it was a desperate act of hanging because i know that the pit where i am going to crash would be empty. he will never be there to catch me.

i felt a tear roll down my face. he didnt notice.

"now thats the alcohol that's talking..." i forced those words out of my trembling voice. he started laughing and held my hands tight. he held my hands in front of the waiter. it felt new. like how i felt two years ago but i need to stop thinking of the past... of our past.

"we're drunk. we need to go home." i thought it would go on forever, but like everyday of my life i always need to go home.